I finally quit smoking again the other day. This time, I just did it completely cold.
No patch.
No gum.
No nuthin.
Saturday afternoon at 4:06 pm, I handed my wife all of my credit cards and cash and quietly said, “can you hang on to these for me, I’m out of smokes and I’m not getting any more.” I haven’t smoked since.
Yeah, sounds pretty ballsy, right?
Seventy three minutes later, there are 73 carpenter bees crawling around inside my head, each of which is missing nicotine quite severely.
Those commercials showing people quitting and forgetting to do the most basic tasks are 100% accurate. The one where the lady can’t figure out how to back out of her driveway – she keeps turning the wrong way to look over her shoulder, and takes out the neighbor’s trash cans – that’s my favorite. It’s like that.
The first few days are the worst.
It’s not that you forget how to do simple things. It’s like having someone follow you around, throwing tennis balls at you so incessantly that you can’t remember how to put one foot in front of the other.
The most difficult part about quitting smoking isn’t *not having a cigarette*. The most difficult part is *not buying them*. If you’re in a non-smoking environment, where no one else smokes or has cigarettes, and you have no way to immediately acquire a cigarette – it’s easy to stop. You have no choice.
It’s so difficult to avoid buying cigarettes because even if they cost $30 a pack, you can always convince yourself that you’ll just have one and throw the pack away afterwards. There is also no immediate or obvious consequence to buying a pack, other than the hit to your wallet. Oh yeah…the wallet part, and of course the total sense of failure and disappointment. But hey, who’s counting =].
If you care to know what it feels like, here’s the best analogy I can think of:
Using a single thread, voluntarily tie (with a slip knot) your left hand behind your back. Then pay a few friends (or enemies) to throw tennis balls at you non-stop for three days. Try to catch or deflect them all with one hand.
The analogy works because it’s ultimately up to you to keep your hand tied up, and excruciatingly tempting to give up on the whole thing after the fifth ball hits you in the neck.
At any rate, the bees aren’t so active today. It’s been four full days now (or is it five?). I’m feeling better and a little more “with it”, and I’m really happy my family is happier about the whole thing.
It’s worth it, just for those smiles. “I’d rather have grumpy than smoky, Daddy” – that’s what my daughter says.
Bring on the tennis balls…keep em comin’. Feel like Bonnie Franklin singin ‘One Day at a Time’…
